Thursday, August 31, 2006

More Sketches

Here's the second batch of sketches I found around my desk yesterday. Chickens, pigs, a pirate, a terrified paper boy... pretty basic stuff. The pigs aren't even wearing capes, which is admittedly quite boring. Sorry about that.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Some Sketches

I was cleaning around my desk today and found some old sketches that weren't as bad as some of the others. Most of them seem to be abandoned concepts from Toon Club topics. I'll post more of them another day.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

How Was it Cancelled?

Okay, so no... this isn't a drawing. But I wanted to point out that the third and final season of Arrested Development went on sale today. If you want to buy it... sorry, you're too late. We went to Target to buy it tonight, and it was already sold out. So we went to Best Buy... sold out there too. What? A show that got cancelled due to lack of interest was sold out on the day of its release in multiple stores? How did that happen? A better question: Why did they cancel the best show ever? Man, I miss it. If you've never seen it, you may want to look into what character flaw of yours has caused this shortcoming.

I spent too much time tracking down my "Season 3" to draw anything tonight, but if you want to see some Arrested-based paintings, here's a link to my friend's portfolio: Blake Loosli. He did these a couple of years ago... they're great. I also love the "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" one. So enjoy his site for now, and check back here soon... more drawings and pointless commentary are on the way.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Run Through the Forest! RUN!

You may remember this raccoon from a drawing that I posted in July. His design is the best of the four of them, and that's because I didn't design him. My good bud Seth Hippen did... and I stole it! I forgot to give Seth credit then, so I decided I better mention it now and remind you all to go check out Seth's blog. He's incredible... an amazing artist, and about the nicest person I've ever met. Yeah, that's right... even nicer than YOU. Three cheers for Seth! Thanks for letting me steal your beautiful designs, Seth... and not complaining when I dumb them down to match my level of drawing ability. Hippen, Hippen - hooray!

Friday, August 25, 2006

Our New Couch

This is our new couch. It is as soft as the clouds in heaven where it was made. While I was testing our couch in the store, two women came over and sat beside me. One of them said, "See - this one's too soft?" Too soft? What are you... Goldilocks? The only job a couch has is "being soft." A football helmet can be too soft, but not a couch. Calling a couch too soft is like saying a cookie is too delicious. How dare you insult its only reason for existing? Too soft? Do you know what I say to that? "Soft couch... welcome home."

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Froggy Went A Courtin'

In the song Froggy Went A-Courtin', isn't it kind of weird that the frog marries Miss Mouse? And why does Kermit date a pig? What's with frogs dating outside of their species? Frogs aren't attractive... that may be part of it. Another reason may be that it's very difficult to tell what gender a frog is, which is why frogs gravitate toward a Miss Mouse or a Miss Piggy... no confusion there. And maybe since frogs look so similar, inter-species dating is the best way for them to ensure they're not dating their sisters.

Monday, August 21, 2006

The Little Match Girl

Here's a little girl I designed a while back. I thought she turned out all right. She's for something that you'll probably never see, but if you do, you'll remember today as the day you first saw her. "Dear Diary..."

Also, I just added a link to an online store I made... it has some of my drawings on t-shirts and mugs and things. I put it there for my family, because a couple of them had said a while back that they wanted a shirt with one of my drawings on it. If anyone else wants to throw their money away, I'm gladly accepting royalties. And you other artists might want to consider making things too... in less than a week I already sold a shirt and a mug to people I don't know. I've made $2.85!

Friday, August 18, 2006

Rodent of Ridiculous Size

Themes have collided! This week's Toon Club topic was The Princess Bride, and I assume you're already aware of my recent obsession with rodents... or at least with things that can be classified as rodents because they don't resemble anything else. It was an easy call to go with the R.O.U.S. for this week's Toon Club piece, but then I got a little crazy and took the thing from "unusual size" to "ridiculous."

If I had a fast food restaurant, my drinks and fries would come in the following sizes: Petitishly Girly, Medium, Unusual, and Ridiculous. Sorry - we don't have "Large." I hate how every fast food place has its own confusing system for food sizes. When I ask for large fries at Wendy's, that means I want your largest container of fries. Oh, I was supposed to call them "Biggie." Yeah - saying that word doesn't make me feel stupid.

That reminds me of a story... in high school I worked at a college concession stand. That's where I found out that nacho cheese is made by adding water to yellow powder. Delicious. So anyway, the worst part of my job was when people ordered the Meal Deal or the Snack Pack, because those were the menu items that included fries, and the guy making the fries couldn't keep up, so if anyone ordred the Meal Deal or Snack Pack, your line would get backed up.

I came up with a solution. By simply adding a few Y's to the menu, I made it so no one wanted to order those items anymore. I proved that college students would refuse to order a "Mealy Dealy" or a "Snacky Packy," no matter how much they wanted fries. Such a thing would make them feel ridiculous... which is the size of this rodent. I'm glad I was able to wrap this story up on the original topic. Essay complete.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

One Angry Chipmunk

Several years ago I was having a picnic with my family in Yellowstone... delicious peanut butter and honey sandwiches... and probably some Pringles... or maybe Cheetos. The menu of the picnic wasn't meant to be my point here, but I'm posting this during my lunch break instead of eating, so I suppose this food-based hang-up is to be expected.

So anyway, while we were eating... sweet, wonderful Cheetos... I looked up and saw a badger about twenty feet away running toward us. Seconds later, all of us were standing on the table as the badger circled below, hunting for fallen bits of food. Just as we began to wonder how we would ever get back to our car, a couple of Asian kids from the next table over came to our rescue... waving slices of bread over their empty heads as they sprinted over to feed the hungry badger. Apparently a bunch of people standing on a table wasn't enough indication to those kids that badgers are dangerous. On the other hand, panicked screaming proved to be quite universal, and the kids quickly retreated... where they stood with their parents on their picnic table.

If you can't tell the difference between a chipmunk and a badger I've drawn... hey - welcome aboard. But if you see one in the wild and don't know the difference, try offering it a slice of bread. If it eats the bread... chipmunk. If it eats your hand... badger. If it eats Cheetos... man, I'm starving.

Friday, August 11, 2006

The Headless-Horse Man

This week’s Toon Club topic is “circus freaks.” You’re probably thinking, “This doesn’t look anything like the Headless Horseman.” That’s because it’s not. This is the “Headless-Horse Man.” It’s easy to confuse the two of them… I bet they get each other’s mail.

I like the idea of circus freaks having ID badges… like circus security’s not going to believe they’re freaks. What picture do you put on a headless man’s ID? Maybe I’ll call the DMV with that one.

My wife said this was “gross.” I’m glad being headless also means you’re earless, because words hurt. Live strong, Headless-Horse Man.

Best Purchase Ever!

I just saw this on this morning. About 30 seconds later, I had ordered one. We already have similar statues of Pinocchio, Mr. Toad, the Crocodile from Peter Pan, the Mad Hatter, Pongo, and Big Al... which reminds me - where are we going to put this? Our house ran out of room for these things long ago. I guess we could keep it in the tub, but then where will the Mad Hatter go?

Of all the things I've ever done with money, this Song of the South statue was the best... today. Though lunch was also pretty good.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Hooray for Rodents!

It's hard to draw people. If they don't look right, everyone notices and cringes in disgust, and babies begin to cry. On the other hand, audiences are quite forgiving of poorly drawn rodents with horribly distorted anatomy (see illustration above). That's why I draw a lot of rodents... my swamp creature, for example. What is that thing? There are so many rodents on the earth that we dare not be too critical. You say there's one that looks like that? Your guess is as good as mine.

These things I drew were supposed to be squirrels. Do they even look like squirrels? It doesn't matter. If I just call them "rodents," they're close enough. Thanks for taking the responsibility and research out of drawing, you rascally rodents!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Don't Call Me Dummy

Moments ago my little site got its 10,000th visitor! Ten thousand visitors?! Well, no... it's only about twelve different people, but you guys have been here a lot of times. Thanks for that! All of you who come here are the coolest! Which I believe is what is inscribed on the book the Statue of Liberty is holding.

I've also recently become a YouTuber. So far I've only uploaded one video. It's a song that my brother-in-law and I put together about how miserable it is to be a puppet. Just click here to watch it. It's about 4 minutes long, but the best stuff's at the end, so try to hang in there.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Circle of Life?

Don't you hate it when you're just sitting down to dinner and someone knocks on the door, or the phone rings, or a bigger animal eats you? It seems considerably more difficult to enjoy a meal when you're the one being eaten. This causes me to wonder... why is it called a "circle of life?" I guess that's the optimistic approach, but for half of the creatures involved, it's a circle of death. Maybe if we all start calling it that, eventually it will catch on.

Probably not, though... stupid Elton John.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Snowman or Snowmonster?

As I mowed the lawn yesterday, I wasn't too surprised when my head burst into flames. When I was done, I went inside and drew this. I've had about enough of summer.

Nothing beats a snowman for winter fun... unless you count a GIANT snowman! Several years ago I was at my sister's house when a huge snow storm hit. Using the snow from the yard, the neighbors' yards, and the street, we built the biggest snowman I've ever seen. It didn't melt away completely until late May. Every year since then we've wanted to make a bigger one, but there's never enough snow. This is a blueprint for what we hope to accomplish as soon as the right amount of snow arrives... hopefully this winter. And now I know where not to park.

Please excuse the background. It looked better last night while my head was still on fire.

Give Me FIVE

If you're here for the drawings, this will certainly be a disappointing post. Worst illustration ever... took me thirty seconds to draw and two minutes to color. Here's some trivia you can't possibly care about... just keeping it handy as a reference in case a donkey kicks me in the head:

5 Jobs I've Had:
1 - Cashier at a home hardware store
2 - Waiter at a sports grill
3 - Concession sales at a college
4 - Overnight desk clerk at a motel
5 - Dish washer at a fat farm

5 Places I've Lived:
1 - St. George, Utah
2 - Hamburg, Germany
3 - Las Vegas, Nevada
4 - St. Louis, Missouri
5 - Orem, Utah

5 Favorite Movies (Animated):
1 - Pinocchio
2 - The Incredibles
3 - Sleeping Beauty
4 - The Iron Giant
5 - The Jungle Book

5 Favorite Movies (Live Action):
1 - Mary Poppins
2 - Star Wars
3 - Life is Beautiful
4 - Raising Arizona
5 - Jurassic Park

5 Movies I've Basically Memorized:
1 - The Three Amigos
2 - Alice in Wonderland
3 - Fletch
4 - Airplane!
5 - A Christmas Story

5 Favorite Current TV Shows:
1 - The Office
2 - 24
3 - Lost
4 - Scrubs
5 - My Name is Earl

5 Favorite TV Shows of All Time:
1 - Arrested Development
2 - Seinfeld
3 - Cheers
4 - The Simpsons
5 - The Wonder Years

5 Favorite Foods:
1 - Berries
2 - Seafood
3 - Ice Cream
4 - Cinnamon rolls
5 - Sourdough bread

5 Places I'd Rather Be Right Now:
1 - Disneyland
2 - Yellowstone
3 - Disney World
4 - The Beach
5 - Home

5 Favorite Bands/Singers:
1 - John Denver
2 - Barenaked Ladies
3 - The Beatles
4 - Simon and Garfunkel
5 - Bread

5 Favorite Songs:

1 - Zip a Dee Doo Dah (Uncle Remus)

2 - Across the Universe (Rufus Wainwright)

3 - Mountain Spring (Barrage)

4 - Watching the River Run (Loggins & Messina)

5 - Happy-Go-Lucky-Me (Paul Evans)

5 Favorite Actors:

1 - Johnny Depp

2 - Owen Wilson
3 - Ewan McGregor
4 - Zach Braff
5 - Christopher Guest

5 Favorite Actresses:
1 - Charlize Theron
2 - Kate Beckinsale
3 - Julia Louis Dreyfus
4 - Parker Posey
5 - Jenna Fischer

5 Favorite Animated Characters:
1 - Brer Fox
2 - Jiminy Cricket
3 - Shere Khan
4 - Captain Hook
5 - Humphrey the Bear

5 Favorite Animals:
1 - Bears
2 - Pigs
3 - Sharks
4 - Tigers
5 - Seals

5 Favorite Restaurants:
1 - The Blue Bayou at Disneyland
2 - McGrath's Fish House
3 - Sonic
4 - The Pizza Factory
5 - The Biergarten at Epcot

5 Favorite Comedians:
1 - Brian Regan
2 - Jerry Seinfeld
3 - Gary Gulman
4 - Jim Gaffigan
5- Kevin James

5 People I Wish I Had Met:
1 - Chuck Jones
2 - Bill Peet
3 - Walt Disney
4 - John Denver
5 - Abe Lincoln

You should put one of these on your blog too... there's a lot of donkeys out there.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Shark Week!

I had to dig through my personal archives again for this old drawing. I wanted to draw something new to post on here, but who has any time for that when the Discovery Channel is having its annual Shark Week?

If you've read what I posted in April about Stupid Sharks, you already know that I have a bit of a "shark information" obsession. It's only Tuesday, and already Shark Week has taught valuable lessons like:

1 - Don't wear a watch in the ocean. Sharks think things that sparkle are fish tails, and they eat those, and will therefore eat you.

2 - When a great white attacks, it's like getting hit by a train. Someone actually said that. What unlucky sap has experienced a great white attack and a collision with a train? Luckily that person survived both events to point out the similarities to the rest of us.

3 - Sharks don't like the taste of humans. I suppose they've filled out surveys or selected Pepsi in a blind taste test or something.

Stupid sharks... I love 'em!