Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Beach vs. Ocean

It baffles me that anyone would go all the way to the beach just to sit on the hot sand and bake in the sun. If that was what you wanted to do for your vacation, you should have just gone to Barstow. It's a shorter trip for most people, and Barstow has more than enough sun and sand to burn you and bore you until you're dead. When people say they like the beach, I think what they are trying to say is that they like the ocean... they were probably just confused because the beach and the ocean share the same parking lot.

That being said, here's a picture that will probably keep you from going into the ocean the next time you're at the beach. This picture shows what I see in my head every time I swim in the ocean. Fun, huh.

One time I was swimming off the coast of San Diego with some of my brothers-in-law, and we watched as a helicopter flew over us with a "News 8" logo on its side. The helicopter circled back and stopped directly above us. We commented that it must be a pretty slow news day if they were filming people swimming, and we waved at the cameras. Later that night while conveniently watching News 8, we saw footage they had taped earlier that day... a few stupid-looking guys waving to a news camera completely unaware that they were surrounded by about fifty 6-foot-long leopard sharks. The following morning we were still at the beach, but for as much as I swam that day, I might as well have been in Barstow.

Did you know Barstow is the home of the very first Del Taco? Are you kidding me? The first Del Taco AND shark-free "beaches" all in one place that is noticeably cooler than the surface of the sun for almost three months a year? Pack up your 3000 SPF sunscreen, my friends... we're going to Barstow!

Wow - that was weird. I was going to write something about Shark Week, and instead I just ended up making fun of Barstow. If you're expecting a postcard from me, they'll be on their way before too much longer. It seems I grossly underestimated how much time it takes to write on 100 postcards.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Free Postcards!

Boring Backstory: Almost two years ago I was asked by BYU's Visual Arts Department to submit a few of my drawings for a book they were assembling that would highlight the work of some of their former students. I sent them a few things I'd recently drawn for my blog, and then I completely forgot about the whole thing for a very long time.

Incresingly Boring Continuation of Story: A couple of weeks ago, I got a package in the mail from BYU that contained a copy of the book they made along with 300 postcards... 100 for each of my drawings that was included in the book. My first thought was, "Where did they get these drawings?" Before I had time to remember that I had sent them a long time ago, my next thought replaced the first: "What do they expect me to do with 300 postcards?" I considerend sending them all back to BYU, one postcard a day for the next 10 months, but I wasn't able to convince myself to spend over $80 on a gag that only I would enjoy, so I've decided to go with "Plan B."

Plan B: Today I went to the less-than-efficiently run post office and bought 100 over-priced postcard stamps, and I am going to send postcards to the first hundred people who tell me they want one. This is quite possibly the most creative, time-consuming way I've ever come up with to waste $27, and YOU can be part of it!

Instructions for Receiving Your 100-of-a-Kind Postcard: 1) Leave a comment here on my blog saying you'd like one, mostly so I can see if I can get up to 100 comments on one blog post; 2) Click here to send me an email that includes your name, your address, and which postcard you want (shark, monkeys, or polar bear). It's as simple as that! I'm stopping at 100 postcards, though, so send me an email soon if you want one. And don't worry... this won't put you on some weird, junk-email list, and I won't be sending you any Christmas cards or anything else in the future. It's a one-time postcard... just because I have a bunch of them and "Plan A" fell through. Also, I'm sorry, but I'll only be sending postcards to addresses in the United States... not because I'm patriotic, but because I'm cheap.

Closing Remarks That Aren't Worth Reading: I'm sending these 100 postcards to thank those of you who come to my blog for for your continued support... even these last few months while my blog's been mostly dead. We're almost done with the Bolt video game, and then I'll get back to posting regularly again. Hopefully a personalized postcard will hold you over until then. My apologies to those of you in other countries... you deserve a postcard too. Maybe another day.