Friday, March 31, 2006

The Wizard of Oz

This is my sketch for this week's Toon Club topic... The Wizard of Oz. I haven't seen that movie in years, and if there's a book, I've never read it. If I remember right, they didn't have as much fun with the Tin Man having no heart as I would have if I had made the movie. Maybe I should have had the Tin Man lighting the Scarecrow on fire, but I just couldn't pass on the opportunity to draw a flying monkey.

If you want to see better Wizard of Oz drawings, just click on the "Toon Club" link in the right column of this page. Toon Club's worth a weekly visit... there's a new topic every week and lots of drawings to see, even when I take a three week break from posting things here.

That winged Curious George is a jerk.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Boxing Kangaroos

I went to Circus Circus in Las Vegas when I was a kid, and that's where I got my first look at a boxing kangaroo. Since then I've seen this popular form of kangaroo abuse on dispaly many times. Boxing kangaroos? How did that fad catch on? It doesn't even make sense. Let's begin with some kangaroo-ish facts.

Kangaroos have little, useless, wimpy arms. Remember the T-Rex in Jurassic Park? When he found that lawyer on the toilet, did he reach down and sucker punch him a few times or poke his eyes? No - he bit him in half! Why would anything or anyone ever attack with its weakest feature? So what do we do to the poor kangaroos whose arms are nothing more than props? We strap boxing gloves on them. It's like a rhino trying to take down its prey with a Nurf bat.

Kangaroos have incredibly powerful legs. Their legs are so strong that they can hop at a speed of 40 miles an hour and leap over obstacles as tall as 10 feet. A swift kick from a kangaroo would send you rolling backward like a bag of flour shot out of a cannon. But because of the unusual shape of their legs and their bulky tails, kangaroos can't really walk or move backward very easily. Can't walk or move backward? I've never done much boxing myself, but if I did I'd probably want to be able to walk or move backward now and then. Otherwise aren't you just a stationary punching bag? So we force the kangaroo into a sport where its greatest strength becomes its biggest weakness.

Is this the only way we can make ourselves feel superior to kangaroos? "Look what a terrible boxer he is! Man he's lame!" You want to box with an animal... get a gorilla. Save the kangaroos for field goal kicking and soccer.

In the clearing stands a kangaroo and a fighter by his trade. Poor kangaroos.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Back from Disney World

It's been two weeks since I posted anything on my blog. Time's flown while I've been trying to catch up on everything I didn't do during my week in Florida. Time to return to blogging... the vacation is over.

Disney World was great! I can't remember being more depressed at the end of a trip than I was when we got home last week. It was 85 in Orlando that day... the kids were playing in the fountains, and I was looking for a shaded bench where I could rest my tired legs. Then a few hours later we got home... and it was snowing! Snow? Going from spring to winter in one day messes with your mind and makes you unable to post to your blog for one week more than anticipated... learned that the hard way.

The parks were crowded. Fast Passes were useful. I haven't had time to draw anything, so I decided to just post a picture I took of Big Al at The Country Bear Jamboree. That's one of my favorite things at Disney World... takes me back to my childhood. I highly recommend the Disney Cast Member discount, so before your next trip to Disney World, become a Disney artist. Just don't forget your Disney ID. It turns out they really frown upon that.

Friday, March 10, 2006

A Week Without Blog

I didn't have time to draw anything today, but I wanted to add one more post to re-explain my upcoming absence... thus the cheap-looking Photoshop piece above. I'd like to thank the "circular selection tool" for providing the Mickey Mouse ears and for supplying the font. Thanks to both of them, today's picture is truly whelming.

Tomorrow morning we fly to Orlando for a week of snowless fun at Disney World and Universal's Islands of Adventure. As much as blog-updating is going to suffer because of this, I could really use the vacation. I'll catch you all up on it when I return. So be sure to come back in a week for more stories, drawings, rants, and bear attack warnings. Gott sei mit euch bis aufs Wiedersehn.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

That's My Wife!

This is my pretty wife. We've been married for 943 days... I haven't actually been counting. I've been doing the math to come up with that figure since day 939. That's enough math for a while... glad it's done. On day 946 we're going to Disney World. That is lovely... with "that" referring to both my wife and our upcoming vacation. I probably shouldn't call my wife "that." I'm digging a hole here... better start a new paragraph and forget this one ever happened.

The rest of you can come to this site when you're in the mood for an angry rant or a dumb story or more information on bears eating kids. My wife hears it every day, and then goes to sleep knowing she'll hear more of it tomorrow. What a nightmare! Putting up with me will get her into heaven, though, so she can't really complain. I love my wife. That's all I have to say for now.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Dogs vs Cats

Are you a dog person or a cat person? Hopefully you're neither. If you generally categorize yourself as either of those, you should know that everyone you've ever met categorizes you as "weird," "lame," or "creepy." For instance, if you have a dog or cat-themed calendar, choose any of the previously mentioned adjectives... they are you.

That being said, there's a good chance that you, like a lot of people, aren't crazy obsessed with either cats or dogs. Good for you. But certainly you find yourself leaning toward one as your favorite of the two. And whichever direction you tend to lean, it doesn't really matter... just as long as it's not "cats." I realize that by saying that I've effectively estranged nearly 3% of the world's population, and yet I stand by it. How can I possibly claim that dogs are better than cats? I submit proof:

Item #1: Dogs do tricks. They shake, stand, sit, roll over, speak, and play dead, among other things. A cat's best trick is coming to you when you call it, but that's more of a coincidence than a trick. You cat-lovers are probably saying, "I have a really smart cat, and it does a lot of tricks." Good for you. Do you know what you call a really smart cat? A really dumb dog.

Item #2: Most cats avoid humans. If a cat isn't starving, you never see it. When a dog hears you arriving at home, it comes running to greet you. Cats flee the room as you enter. Cats don't like you any more than I like cats.

Item #3: Cats poop in the house. Oh, you buried it. Good job. If I didn't have a nose I would barely notice you exist!

Item #4: Cats offer no services. They don't protect you or your stuff from burglars. "Beware of Cat" signs... not available. Once again - they flee the room! Ever heard of a "seeing-eye cat?" Of course not. Cats don't go where you want them to or come when you call them. A seeing-eye cat would walk you right into traffic. Hurry and tell the cat to walk you into traffic when you realize you're stepping off the curb... now your cat does two tricks.

To sum up, you don't have to have dogs all over your stationary to know that cats are generally quite lame. (If you have dogs on your stationary... poor you.)