Monday, February 26, 2007

Widescreen vs Full Screen

Maleficent is a reasonably pretty lady with stunning cheek bones, but she manages to mask that beauty and elegance beneath a giant cloak of "crazy." Where do you have to be mentally to vow to kill a baby because you weren't invited to a party? With Mr. Blackbird on her shoulder, she keeps company with semi-retarded demons, and she not only has the ability to turn into a dragon, but she actually found the need for it at least once in her life. I would gladly try my hand at defending her in a court of law, because it's clear that "evil" takes a backseat to "insanity" with that one. She's definitely one of my favorite villains ever.

Disney's Sleeping Beauty is a pretty good movie... unless you see it in widescreen, in which case it's about the best movie ever! I'm amazed that anyone is buying full screen movies. I've heard people say, "I don't like the black bars?" So don't look at them. I'd rather have black bars on the top and bottom of the screen than unviewable characters and actions taking place beyond the borders of my TV. Look at this shot from Sleeping Beauty... the full screen version cuts out two of the goons. How will they prove to their friends that they were even in this movie?
Most of the new TV's that are being made are in widescreen format. As soon as widescreen TV's are your only option, you full-sreen DVD-buyers will have black bars on the sides of the picture instead of the top and bottom. But whatever kind of TV you have, you'll always be missing part of the picture. It's like wearing horse blinders to the Grand Canyon (which I would only recommend for pack mules, because those trails are dangerous, and you pack mules need to be focused on the path ahead). But if you ever go to the Grand Canyon, see the whole thing without horse blinders... in widescreen... the way it was divinely intended.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Google Searches

I drew this for Toon Club's Favorite Cartoon Villains topic, but then I changed my mind because it looked too much like the screen cap I used for reference. I figured I'd post it on here anyway for the unfortunate people who Google "Headless Horse Man" and end up at my circus freak.

Through my
site meter I'm able to track how people arrive at my blog. I'm amazed at what people are searching for... and amazed that it brings them here. These are some of my recent favorites:
  • Are soft couches good?
  • Zombie Cruise
  • Where to buy Cheetos in Hamburg
  • Chipmunks, how it eats
  • When you are afraid of sharks, how you called that phobia
  • What do cheetahs do?

I like how some people apparently ask Google questions instead of just searching key words. "Dear Google... what do cheetah's do?" A poorly worded search such as that can yield poor results full of inaccurate information. Next time try something simple like "cheetah behavior." But since you're already here: cheetahs sleep, sit, run, stand, walk, eat, lie down, breed, hunt, blink, yawn, and die.

And as long as I'm responding to Google searches... a couch is only as wonderful as it is soft. Zombie cruises are currently unavailable because zombies are more interested in inflicting property damage than they are in playing shuffleboard at sea. Twelve years ago you could get peanut butter and root beer at Karstadt in Hamburg... they might have Cheetos. "Chipmunks" is the plural form of "chipmunk." Therefore, it's impossible to answer how "it" eats because chipmunks are "they." Nice riddle, though. And Selachophobia is how I called when I am afraid of sharks.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Tortoise vs Hare

A while ago I downloaded "Texas Hold 'Em" to my cell phone. I use my phone more for that game than I do for talking to people. So far I've won 1240 tournaments and 42 world championships. I would calculate how much time I've wasted, but the results would be depressing... and my only calculator is on my phone, and I'm not about to waste valuable battery time on a boring calculator.

I've learned a lot from playing cell phone poker:
1 - There is no money in cell phone poker, but you don't lose any either.
2 - Don't ever go "all in" on a "7-high."
3 - It's very difficult but not impossible to bluff a cell phone.

This is my version of
The Tortoise and the Hare. I'm not sure why I put a casino spin on it. I lived in Las Vegas when I was a kid, so maybe gambling is still in my blood, or at least in my blue Col-erase pencil.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day... the one day of the year that Michael Bolton's music doesn't drive me crazy. That's a lie. But it is the one day of the year that I don't find the color pink nauseating. Another lie. But, honestly... Valentine's Day is the one day of the year that I'm not allowed to watch "Lost" because it's not romantic enough. Why a Wednesday, Valentine's Day?
My poor wife... she puts up with a lot. And I hope she puts up with this drawing being her Valentine's gift, because there's no "Plan B." I drew this Valentine for my wife, but I'm giving it to each of you in the spirit of the elementary school rule that, if you bring a Valentine for one person, you have to bring one for everyone. That rule was the only reason I ever got a Valentine... and the reason I was certain that all the hot girls in my 4th grade class were totally into me.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Disgustingly Cute

For the Avalanche Art Blog, the topic was both "love" and "too cute for comfort." I combined the two and threw in some good old "forced emotion." What do people think is cute? Puppies and babies, right? Add several spoonfuls of sap, and the cuteness casserole is ready to serve. Don't eat it, though... it's designed to make you gag.

This is the same way that country songs are written. First you think of stuff that makes you cry, then you make all the stuff rhyme, and then you sing it while wearing a big hat. Wonderful, forced emotion.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

The Not-So-Little Mermaid

A while back I drew a mermaid and wrote something about manatees being the possible source of the mermaid myth. Manatees? Really? Perhaps its time our historians of mythology consider other possibilities. Not even sailors get that drunk.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

The Walrus & the Carpenter

This week's Toon Club topic is "The Walrus and the Carpenter" from Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass. I love Disney's version in Alice in Wonderland... one of my favorite animated segments from anything ever.

Based on the weird things Lewis Carroll wrote, I would not doubt that he had plenty of conversations with walruses, but the rest of us would likely find that quite impossible due to the common belief that walruses do not speak... not of shoes, nor of ships, nor of sealing wax. So for this story to be at all believable, we are to logically assume that the carpenter is completely insane. I picture him a Robinson Crusoe-like character who forces the local marine life to wear clothes he makes out of driftwood and then has conversations "with" them about cabbages and kings.

Tom Hanks befriended a volleyball. The carpenter? A dignified walrus chap.