Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Shark-o-Phobia

I never miss a TV show about sharks. Whether it's the Discovery Channel's Shark Week or a random PBS special - if there's shark information to be had, I need it. The unfortunate side-effect to this obsession is that the more I learn about sharks, the more I fear them. The only nightmares I ever have are shark-themed... and I have at least one of them a month. I can't swim in a pool without being a little afraid of sharks. I can't sit on a couch without being a little afraid of sharks. They're following me like the Jaws family follows the Brody's... I'm sure of it.

In pretty much every shark show I've seen, some shark expert shares a common message: "We really have no reason to fear sharks. They don't intend to hurt humans. Sometimes they just mistake us for seals." And then a one-armed surfer says, "I was in the shark's home. It was just curious." Just curious! Mistake us for seals? I want shark experts and victims of shark attacks to make up my jury if I'm ever on trial.

Do shark experts really think sharks are less scary because they're maming people on accident? I don't think it's their intent that scares me as much as their ability to bite me in half.
"Help! A shark just bit my leg off!"
"Relax! He's just curious."
"Oh - thank heavens. I was a little nervous for a second there."

You know what, sharks... I don't care what you think I am. If you bite off my leg, I'm holding YOU responsible. I don't bite the limbs off of things that come into my house. Oh, but your eyesight's miserable and you don't have hands? Well then - bite away! Take both legs if there's still some confusion after the first. And thank you, shark experts. You're right - being ripped apart and killed isn't horrifying at all when you know it's just a misunderstanding. Accidental death and dismemberment is cute and fun. Let's all swim with the idiot sharks. No need to fear - they're not mean. They're just not very bright and a little bitey.

Sharks are stupid and scary... I wish there were more shows about them.

36 comments:

Ken Chandler said...

Of all your fantastic pieces this is my all-time favorite. Samuri Shane is my second. Probably has something to do with my appreciation of all things deadly and capable of taking my head off in one swift motion. Your sketch was nice, but this blows it away. Awesome composition, colors are perfect, the shark is hysterical, and the look on that fish. HA! "I'm going to tell you you're wrong. And don't eat me!" I love it!

Joe Fowler said...

I feel bad you have shark nightmares so often, it explains a few things.

Goody said...

Is it just me or have sharks become much more obese lately? It seems Sharks these days are spoiled on a diet of fast food/cola fed surfers which can't be good for them. In the old days sharks were lean and mean. Perhaps that teacher fish should be drawing a picture of a nice kelp salad to help stave off this epidemic of supersized Selachimorpha.

Seth Hippen said...

Great drawing Shane. I like the nice water effects and the fat shark in a little desk. Funny stuff. I fear sharks and have nightmares about them too. Occasionally a crocodile infests my dreams too, but the worst ones have the punk teenagers with an attitude. That's when things start to get hairy, but I digress. Great post!

Blogerts said...

And yet you and I play in the ocean for long stretches of time. Splashing about and barking... "You don't sound like a seal. This is what a seal sounds like..." (splash, splash) Are sharks really the dumb ones? You must at least have some brains to make such a purty drawring.

Jedulous said...

Helarious. Shane, you need to get a couple million dollars and start you own studio. You've got so many great ideas. You're an entertainment revolution waiting to happen.

Word.

Tillerman said...

Shark lovers are much like dog lovers. When I'm out for a run and someone's snarling, slobbering, savage hound makes a grab for me and snatches my private parts in his vice-like jaws, the owner always smiles and says something like, "Don't worry, he's only curious."

Malin H said...

Ha! This is great fun! Love the way he sits in the chair. i have a shark-o-phobia, a love/hate relationship, they're amazing and scary at the same time.
/M

the enigma said...

great illustration! her expression is so funny...!!

Lady Guedes said...

Reminds me of "Shark tale". Very funny.

murphy girl said...

okay, i looove this shark squeezed into a junior high desk, with that tiny pencil in his tiny fin! and your writing is hysterical (if not a tad obsessive...) :)

JO said...

Hillarious, I live in Huntington Beach, when my kids were young we were down at the Beach everyday from May to Sept. never once did I step in the water. You see I told everyone I was Shark Patrol. Great illo.

steve said...

Time for some reverse psychology. YOU are the SHARK, go have fun. Once you are done with that, move on to Vampires, Paris Hilton, Monsters under the bed, and IRS agents.
In no time at all, you will either be cured...or a celebutant. 50 / 50.
P.S. Luv the floating chalk board...

:-D
stevePoisonPencil

Sherry said...

This is great! I love that the teaching fish is so tiny! Water is fabulous and the expression on the shark is pricelss!

*DeB* said...

love it. I shall endeavour to find a word for the 'fear of being mistake for a seal (and subsquent cnsumption by sharks)'

Digital Scott's illustrationblog said...

Such incredible, amazing work! The Blue Planet series is great, not all sharks though, but some.

Nancy said...

Really love this illustration. Good commentary too!

potatomamma said...

hah, you made me giggle out loud =) great idea, professional execution, love it!

PittrPattr said...

This is just as good as some real article in a magazine with an editorial illustration attached. Your illustration for phobia is perfect because it goes way beyond just "scary thing + person afraid of it." I also really enjoyed reading what you wrote with it.

Alina Chau said...

HA ! HA !! That's wicked funny!

J. E. Morris said...

Very funny! I guess you don't have a fish tank do you? I love how you stuffed him into his little school desk. It reminds me of some of the parents at the school open house last week!

Anja said...

Yeah, wonderful!

Ginger*:)* said...

Don't let the sharks know you think they are "stupid and scary" that statement might come back to bite you.
A great illustration, a loveable shark and a wonderful sense of being undersea are all combined to make this a winner!
Great work as always.

Doug said...

the light patterns on the shark and sea floor are a really nice touch! Great work!

Michelle Lana said...

love your characters! great work!

Don said...

I'm throwing my kudos into the mix. I absolutely love the overall cartoon style. Also one of the more humorous rants I've seen in a while.

Anonymous said...

First off, lovely illo. Really great stuff, love the style.

Secondly, I just wanted to say THANK YOU. I, too, am terrified of sharks and have the same irrational fear of sharks appearing in swimming pools, etc. I always get a smirk or two when I mention this fear because nobody has ever met anyone else that's afraid of sharks before.


- Andra

BGOZ said...

Great illustration. At the place I used to work, we had a manager we called shark eyes. He didn't blink. It was unnerving when he would be swimming behind you a few paces.

:)=

lil kim said...

Amazing how Jaws still affects us! ;-) Beautiful illo - absolutely gorgeous textures, lighting and great characters. love the fat shark just fitting into his seat and even the school of fish vaguely in the background. very nicely done!

Lu*** said...

beatiful and lovely illo, the fish as so cute.... I love it!!

Poseidion said...

OMG I cant even begin to explain how much I love everything about this! The chubby shark that can hardly fit in the desk, and the cute little fish with the pointer... they're all so cute! great work!

irisz said...

you really made me laugh! great one!

Muffin said...

Aaahahaa. FATTY. ;P

No really, thats funny. I love the tiny fish. He (the shark) dont have a paper to make notes on tho, poor thing.

smartartist said...

Hi Shane great work, brought a smile to my face and inspiration to my fingertips. (new to the world of blogging http://thesmartartist.blogspot.com/)

Nephi said...

I have never read any of your stuff. I am Jed's brother. Jed showed me this. I have a shark phobia. They wait for me. Outside the shower.

Anonymous said...

you are scary and stupid...i wish you made less incorrect blog's