Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Rogue Shark

As you probably already know, we recently celebrated another Shark Week, and in so doing, renewed my intense fear of being mangled at sea by a me-eating fish. This year's nightmare-inducing week of sharky programming was kicked off with a show called "Blood in the Water," a misleadingly cute title for a show that ended up being surprisingly horrific. It was about a rogue shark who went on a killing spree in 1916, attacking five people in the space of twelve days and inspiring the Jaws films that are responsible for many of my least favorite recurring dreams. Before that summer, people didn't even believe that a shark would attack a human. That one shark proved the opposite, over and over again. The series of attacks incited a massive retaliatory response from the frightened folks in New Jersey who took to the seas with rifles, harpoons, and dynamite to find and kill the man-eating shark. They killed hundreds of sharks (and probably vaporized some other unsuspecting sea creatures in the process) before a fishing boat stumbled across the right shark and a fisherman beat it to death over the head with a broken oar.

Consider, for a moment, all of the damage that this one, messed up shark did to its entire species. A few stupid acts of violence over a twelve-day period kicked off a feud with humans that is still in effect nearly a hundred years later. I imagine most sharks were embarrassed and ashamed by the actions of that one rogue shark when they learned what he had done. Not much they could do about it, though. The damage to the good name of "shark" was already done.

Adolf Hitler was kind of like a rogue shark. He pretty much ruined the name "Hitler" for everyone else. Walt Disney, on the other hand, made his name awesome. If there were two kids in your second grade class named Jeff Hitler and Jeff Disney, which one would you be more likely to befriend? See what I mean? What you don't know is that Jeff Hitler has a swimming pool and is actually a really nice kid. One bad Hitler does spoil the whole bunch, girl.

There are rogue sharks on the roads too... like when I'm driving in some other state, and I see an idiot with Utah plates going ten miles an hour under the speed limit, blocking traffic in the passing lane. I think, "Now these people are going to think we're all dumb!" Stay right except to pass, you idiots, or you're no better than the shark who terrorized the New Jersey coast in 1916... or Hitler.

18 comments:

Jacob said...

You know Shane, thanks to you and Shark Week, I can't even DRAW sharks anymore... Well done!

Fe said...

I love the comparison, so true! I watched Blood in the Water and thought it was pretty interesting, if nightmare-inspiring.. I had no idea the events that inspired Jaws were all the way back in 1916! Anyway, great post, as always:)

Heather D. White said...

Literally LOL!!!! Classic, Shane! Thank you for a much-needed laugh. I have really missed keeping up with your blog and reading this today reminded me why I need to make it a priority. Hope all is well with you!!! Can't wait until yourn ext entry.

Bobbi-Jo said...

Jeff Hitler and Disney - LOL!! You're awesome.

Ken Chandler said...

I only got to see about 10 minutes of that episode.Do they re-run the episodes online?

Love your insights, and your opinion about Utah drivers. They make me nuts too. And yes, one bad apple does spoil the whole bunch. I was going to name my kid Hannibal, but reconsidered.

Love your shark, poor misunderstood creatures.

Jose Ramos said...

Great idea ! I like the shark with te newspaper.
.Youre style remember me to Hanna Barbera.
.Is very funny!

Aaron Ludwig said...

Jeff Disney is a paste eater.

Kloosli said...

Nerd. You will enjoy this then as my friend Jordan will be joining us in CA this fall but when he was in high school they took a big screen tv and put it poolside and then everyone and their dates had to be in the pool on a flotation device while they watched Jaws.

I am glad that your dad had a lack of discretion when it came to what he would allow you to see when you were a kid. If not, who knows what would be in this blog.

L. D. Torres said...

you have to cut the ol jersey shark some slack though, Shane... how's he supposed to know that these delicious surfing morsels come armed with harpoons, explosives, broken oars, and pokets full of dreams... or vengance... whatever.

maybe we should have just captured the thing and stuck it along side the roads of utah.. decrease the dawdling surpless population ;)

Tyson Murphy said...

hey awesome stuff here!! very inspiring

Sean "It's a capital N actually" McNally said...

the most thoughtful expression ive seen a shark to date!

Sam Nielson said...

I feel much the same way about the "I Am Sam" movie where Sean Penn acts retarded. Normal for him, but a slap in the face for everyone named Sam, especially people named Sam who have a friend named Joe Olson who won't let it go.

Adrian Ropp said...

Glory! I have spent too much time away from your blog. What a wonderfully educated shark you've presented here. I love the name "The Daily Abyss" for the newspaper. Also I'm impressed that the newspaper has not deteriorated under the rigors of deep sea.

Great job, compadre!

Ken said...

Hello!

It really has been a while dude, and its all my loss! But Im getting back into blogging, this time for real haha. I say that a lot...

anyways, lots of awesome posts as usual bro, I liked your aligator easter bunny :D

As for sharks... I love sharks. They are truely amazing and misunderstood... its amazing to think they have been around for thousands of years! I saw a programme about a guy in South Africa who swam with great white sharks... inspiring!

Anyhooo... be back soon. For more awesomeness.

Ken :D

Adrian Lubbers said...

Drawings aside.... the commentary kills me. It amazes me how well you put my own thoughts down. It's a strange world out there huh?

Matty said...

You hit it on the head. As soon as I pull into St.George from Las Vegas I begin my rant on UT drivers. Is it a requirement to drive in the passing lane?

Jarrett said...

Great piece, Shane! I hope you're doing well. All the best and let me know what you're up to.

Nathan said...

I just happened to stumble onto your blog and I am happy that I did. You seem to make interesting points with some good ol' fashioned humour.

I will definitely be back to read some more.

Thanks!!
Nathan
http://wild-facts.blogspot.com/