Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Winter Wonderland

While stuck in traffic recently, the radio station I was listening to treated me to three different versions of Winter Wonderland. I like that song... or at least I did before I ended up stuck in traffic with nothing to think about but those lyrics.

You can tell the song is doomed from its very first line: "Sleigh bells ring... are you listening?" I’ll tell you what... if you can’t get more than three words into your narrative before losing the interest of your audience, that may be an indication that "story-telling" isn't your thing. "Sleigh bells ring... are you listening? In the lane... am I boring you?"

The socially dysfunctional narrator goes on to propose some possible activities we could fill our day with. "In the meadow we can build a snowman and pretend that he’s a circus clown. We’ll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman until the other kiddies knock him down." Apparently we're so confident in our miserable social standing that we're not only accepting that our snowman may be demolished by everyone we know... we're planning on it! I wonder if we'd be more popular if we stopped calling them "the other kiddies." It's worth a shot.

If the first snowman-building scheme wasn't lame enough, there's a second that somehow manages to be even less enticing. "In the meadow we can build a snowman and pretend that he is Parson Brown. He’ll say, ‘Are you married?’ We’ll say, ‘No, man... but you can do the job when you’re in town.'" Not a superhero or a gladiator, but Parson Brown? Who is this kid? Dear Parson Brown... when you meet the lad who built you so he could pretend you were a parson, don't waste your precious, miraculous first words asking about his obvious marital status. That kid is and will always be single. Not only is he not daing anyone, but he doesn't have any friends, his pets avoid him, and look out... you're about to get mangled by the other kiddies for talking to him.


Merry Christmas, y'all... and y'all a good night!

23 comments:

Dobberfam said...

Very insightful. Makes me think of "I'll be home for Christmas" ...please have snow and mistletoe? Who comes to a family Christmas hoping for mistletoe hanging from the ceiling? Sorry Aunt Ruth I have a coldsore, I couldn't...
Merry Christmas!

The Youngs said...

I always enjoyed pretending my snowmen were circus clowns - then when they made fun of me, I could go get and extension cord, any and all space heaters I could find and melt the circus freak...that is, if the other kiddies didn't knock him (and me) down first.

Johnny said...

Hey man, like the site. Over at Shlake.com, we've got a game going (we use the term game loosely) where you come up with the weirdest Christmas lyric. Post in the comments, and then everybody will vote for a winner later in the week. Looks like you're already in the right mindset

Check it out here.

And keep up the good work ST

Felicia said...

LOL thanks for helping my Tuesday afternoon..:)

Dan Long said...

Funny stuff!

Becky said...

Very funny!

B Beach said...

Have you heard the Tony Bennett version? It's the best! - The heck with the lyrics, that puppy really swings!

Always love your work.

Ken Chandler said...

Funny stuff, and timely! Merry Christmas Shane.

Heather Dixon said...

Hahaha. That is a weird song. Not as strange as "Christmas Shoes" though...Sir I wanna buy these shoes, so can I bum money off of you?

Kei Phillips said...

such lovely work

Will Terrell said...

I like how the snoclown has combs for eyebrows.

Justin Rodrigues said...

Great blog! some really good stuff!

Laura said...

My perspective on this song has completely changed.

Brian Cutler said...

Oh man, this is great! Thank you Mr. Lewis; this is just what I needed.

Penelope Crackers said...

I'm always so happy to see what Christmas thing/tradition you're going to make fun of each year. Oh by the way- we love your book. It came a week before Christmas- just in time to give to Seth. My dad sat and looked at it all morning. I think he may order one too. Great stuff! I'm so glad your around to entertain me. :)

Ken said...

dude, your reflections on life are the best... Ive not been blogging in a while, so not been here in ages! Which is all my loss. Great posts as usual dude, hope you had a great Christmas and New Year - all the best for 2009!!!

Nathan Lindsay said...

this commentary made Christmas wonderful at my house.

emholbert said...

Oh, I've come to hate that song this Christmas as well. You drive to K-mart, the song's playing in the car. you go IN the store - it's playing in every department...you leave the store - guess what's playing in your car again?

It was truly a pleasure to see you mangle that stupid song.

GhettoFab said...

hehe brilliant as only you know!

Hope you had a blast over the holidays and cant wait to see what Shane the Brain comes up with in the 09

We do need to do lunch soon

Ben Reynolds said...

Dude, you can analyze a song like nobody's business. Enjoyed the writing as always, and the drawing is great as always as well!! Always a good visit to this site man!

Artist Anika said...

Wow...you've done it again. I don't think I will ever be able to hear that song the same again! ;)

I love your blog, it's always amusing.

Marcelo Vignali said...

Shane, that's why I always build my snow men over fire plugs or parking meters. Any kiddy try to knock my snow man down is in for a surprise. Heh-heh.

Heather D. White said...

Oh my heart..just about wet myself reading this one. SO THRILLED that I'm not the only one that wonders about weird things. I'm always told I read into things like this a LITTLE TOO MUCH.....glad to see I'm not alone. LOL! Happy to be weird with ya.