Saturday, December 09, 2006

Two Turtle Doves

The Twelve Days of Christmas is a ridiculous song. If you sing at a fast tempo and skip five or six verses, you can sing the whole thing in just under 40 minutes. Yet sadly, the song's length is the most sane thing about it. I love Christmas carols... but I do not like The Twelve Days of Christmas.

In the first seven days of the song (which, as far as I can tell, is sung in real time), a total of 59 birds are presented as gifts. Fifty-nine birds? Did I give you the wrong impression concerning my feelings for birds? I mean, I have nothing against them, but let's leave some of them outside. Maybe one of these days of Christmas I could get a truck full of bird seed, because tuppence doesn't grow on trees.

And ten lords a leaping? I don't even know what I'd do with one lord a leaping. I'm going to have to rent a bus just to take them all down to the pier. Now, nine ladies dancing... there's a gift! That's something I've wanted for a long time. See - if you personalize a gift like that, good things happen. But the lords and the drummers and the sanctuary's worth of birds... ridiculous.

Perhaps the most upsetting thing of all about The Twelve Days of Christmas... there's only ONE day of Christmas. December 25th. Maybe for next year's one day of Christmas I'll get my true love a calendar.

(When my wife saw this drawing, she said, "You know - turtle doves aren't half turtle." I know that. I'm not an idiot. They're half dove.)

15 comments:

Joe said...

I changed my mind. I want this one to be my Christmas card. If these two mated would their children be normal turtles and normal doves?

Jedulous said...

Shane, the best thing about your blog is original comedy, and drawings that pull it off perfectly. What am I talking about, that's ALL your blog is! And I love it!

Ryan Wood said...

Those expressions are hilarious! Terrific, funny stuff, Shane.

Todd Oman said...

Very nice stuff, great characters.

Adrian Ropp said...

I have to give you credit for working a Mary Poppins reference into this, and for counting the birds.

Every time I see the expression on "Turtle Head", I lose it. Just hilarious.

Gonzo said...

Shane, while I tend to agree with you and your dimented views, I must disagree with your current rant in one respect...John Denver and the Muppets singing "The Twelve Days of Christmas". I don't know how you can dis Beaker squeeking "9 ladies dancing"!

Kevin Keele said...

Awesome drawing and post Shane. I couldn't agree more. I've always been creeped out by the "8 maids a milking" part. What are they milking? Did you get some cows and goats from your true love the year before? Can you milk Birds? Are they lactating?

miss_kimmer said...

That's bloody brilliant, so wickedly creative. It makes me want to hit the sketchbook for another made session of drawing... Absolutely inspiring, great work!

Andrew Glazebrook said...

Great idea and picture ! :)

Alina Chau said...

HA ! HA !! AWESOME!! This is funny, love the Santa post below too! :)

mukpuddy said...

Just found your blog dude and am very impressed, you've got some really cool stuff here and I'll be back for sure!!!!

dee said...

geezz....I love your sense of humor. I read your blogs and feel like I am talking with you in person for some reason...hmm....no, I'm not stalking you. heheee...You have some really amazing designs. Really glad I found it! Cheers!

chris said...

hahah, i llove the bedroom eyes on the turtles head. and congrats makin it on the drawn websiite. you're big shit now!!!

Ryan said...

Hahah, I love the face on the turtle!

Heather D. White said...

Oh my crud Shane...you had me seriously laughing out loud on this one. Ya know....I think we just blindly follow when it comes to some of the Christmas carols we've always sung. I have always thought that the 12 Days of Christmas is WAY too long....but I never really sat down and thought about it this much. LOL!!!! You're right...what a bunch of stupid gifts. Your drawing is so funny....love the "turle dove." LOL!!