Monday, January 29, 2007

The Western Black Bear

I did this last night for the Avalanche Art Blog... the topic was "Villains," so I went with the obvious choice: the Western Black Bear. It would be hard to find a more feared villain in the folklore of my mind. Although I'd rather write something stupid about the bear, the old west, or how I'd benefit from looking at visual reference of a gun before I try to draw one, instead I'm going to explain the process I use to arrive at a final image like this one. I've never been much of a painter, so here's how I've managed to get around that with the help of Photoshop.

Step 1 - First I try to decide on a rough character design to base my drawing on. Sometimes I skip this step for time reasons, and that becomes pretty obvious... at least to me. I start out with a bunch of heads and faces, then as soon as I find one I kind of like, I add a body to it.

Step 2 - Now that I do a lot of storyboards, I've abandoned the skill of drawing on model. So the "design" of the character becomes a loose version of what the final drawing might kind of look like. But I at least have something to base my final drawing on, so I continue with a rough sketch of the character in the pose I want him in. Step 3 - After using very basic shapes to get the gesture I want, I add all my details in what I consider a rough sketch, but probably not as "rough" as a lot of people draw. I sharpen my pencil a lot too. I hate drawing with a dull pencil. That's the main reason my rough sketches stay somewhat clean. Step 4 - With the drawing mostly nailed down, I trace it using an ink pen, sometimes making minor changes to shapes and smaller details like fingers that weren't quite right. I've done a fair amount of animation clean-up, and that's pretty much what this step is. It mostly takes patience and a steady hand. I also generally use a thicker line for the outermost lines and taper them into the form where necessary. Step 5 - I scan the drawing into the computer, then in Photoshop I desaturate the image and adjust the brightness and contrast to make the clean-up line solid and clear. Then in the layers window, I duplicate the image twice and throw away the background. With the selection tool's tolerance set at 32 (which I believe is the default setting), I select everything behind the bear and delete it from the lower layer. Then I un-check the "contiguous" box from the selection tool's settings and click anywhere on the image that's white, which selects all the white area in one click. I delete that area from the top layer. Man, this sounds more confusing than it is. Then I lock the two layers. Now, finally, I can drop colors into the lower layer without losing any of my line drawing, which sits above it on the top layer. This paragraph makes less sense than most of the of crap I write on my blog. Step 6 - Next I color the outline (the top layer) using colors that are darker and a bit more saturated than the color of the object I'm outlining. Sometimes I skip this step and leave the outline black. Coloring the outline makes it seem rounded instead of flat, so when I have time, I prefer coloring the outline.Step 7 - Using the selection lasso, I select various areas of the character and "feather" the selections. I feather more for round shapes and less for hard shadows. Then I adjust the hue, saturation, and brightness to add shadows, highlights, and reflective lighting. Step 8 - By the time I get to the background, I've usually worn myself out on the drawing, so I drop a quick shadow under the character, mess with the opacity of the shadow layer, and call it done. But sometimes I want more of a mood than the white background offers. Enter the gradient tool. I choose some colors I think I'll like then use them to make a sky and a ground. Then I mess with the hue and saturation until I'm satisfied with my cheap, stupid background. Step 9 - Then to finish it up, I add some clouds or something. In this drawing I airbrushed in some haze in the background to fade out the ground line, and I added some foreground dust. Then I flattened the whole image and did a little more adjusting of the hue, saturation, and contrast of the image as a whole... trying to unify the colors a little more. And that's my final drawing. Here it is again so you don't have to scroll all the way back up to the top.Hopefully some of that made sense. I apologize to my family and friends who came here for weirdness and got a lesson in not painting. Back to the senseless ramblings next time. I hate trying to make sense for this long.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Princess Leia

This week's Toon Club topic was Star Wars... an overwhelming topic... so many great characters. I drew a handfull of Yoda sketches, but they all looked terrible compared to Genndy Tartokovsky's Clone Wars designs. So I went with the obvious next choice... Princess Leia and the metal bikini. The legs are a little messed up... oh well.

I'd like to thank Princess Leia, Womder Woman, and Sandy (from Grease) for introducing me to my heterosexuality. And I also want to thank Jabba the Hutt and George Lucas for providing the princess with her prison attire.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Super Gorilla

In Christopher Reeve’s Superman II, Clark reveals to Lois that he is actually Superman by removing his glasses. She never saw through his intricate disguise before that moment? Way to go, Lois... you're being bumped up to detective. As long as the Daily Planet staff was dumb as dirt, Clark Kent might as well have been a gorilla. Why is Clark never around when Super Gorilla shows up? I wonder if they're the same... wait - Clark's a gorilla who wears glasses.

One other thing that's different about Super Gorilla is that he can't fly. He's just really strong, unless you compare him to other gorillas, in which case he's just average, kind of like how I'd be considered incredibly intelligent if I lived and worked among gorillas... or how I'd at least be considered one of the smartest... well, certainly not the dumbest... almost certainly.

Monday, January 22, 2007

The Ugly Duckling

Why did the other ducks target one as the "ugly duckling?" Aren't ALL ducks ugly? Never in my life have I seen even one attractive duck. Fortunately I don't really look at them that way. If I ever see a duck that strikes me as "really hot," then I've got problems.

If you're familiar with the story, you already know that (spoiler warning) the "duckling" is actually a swan. I didn't draw him that way here... mine is more of a (spoiler warning) mallard. So apparently ducks aren't only ugly, they're also a little bit dumb and species-recognition-challeged. And that's the ugliest ugly there is.

The ugliest duck is an actual duck... unless he's a duckling, because baby everythings are at least a little bit cute, even if admitting that takes me one step closer to a problem area I noted previously.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Ventura Highway

Yesterday I wanted to draw something, but I didn't know what. While I was considering my options, my iPod played "Ventura Highway" by America (the band, not the country). I like that song, but the last verse is quite puzzling:

"Cause the free wind is blowing through your hair,
And the days surround your daylight there.
Seasons crying no despair,
Alligator lizards in the air... in the air."

Alligator lizards? Is that just a normal alligator in the same way that I'm a human person? And if these are just typical alligators, what are they doing in the air... in the air? If Ventura's vast alligator population has evolved to the point that they've mastered flight, I'm not "gonna go"... I know.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Man's Best Friend?

Man's best friend... is that what dogs are? Then explain what happens to my so-called "best friend" when he stops in front of the TV on a big 4th-and-inches play. Let's be honest... man's best friend is food, then TV, then football, then football on TV, followed by cars, naps, video games, airplanes, model trains, and so on. Based on my findings, dogs are wedged way down the list somewhere between "chopping down trees" and "buying a new belt."

I'm just kidding - I like dogs. In many ways a dog is just a football with a tongue. They share the same blank stare, I've tripped over both in the dark, and loads of frustration can be instantly relieved by punting one over the neighbor's fence. Relax, everyone... if the dog didn't want to be kicked, he wouldn't have looked so much like a kicking tee. Relax again... I didn't kick any dogs, and I don't endorse it in any way outside of its obvious "blogging shock value" purposes. After all - dogs are my 185th best friend.

More NFL Playoffs this weekend... go Chargers! Every time I say "go" about anyone, they immediately lose. Call your bookie.

Monday, January 08, 2007

So Many Journals

I haven't done much blogging lately, which I feel bad about. I've spent most of my free-time in the last week trying to rebuild my iTunes library. Rating more than 10,000 songs from one to five stars takes about thirty hours more than I expected it to... I only expected it to take about 140. Glad that's done.

Another thing I do that takes up a lot of my life is journal writing, which I've done each of the last 4,844 days... filling up over 25 different journals no one will ever even want to read, much less try to. I started writing on October 4, 1993, and I haven't missed a day since. I love it, but it takes a lot of time. Life passes me by as I write about it.

Time to get back into blogging... more to come later this week.

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Happy New Year!

2006 is down to its last few hours. Starting tomorrow morning, I'll be writing the wrong year on checks and things for the following four to seven months. Really looking forward to that. It's been a good year... new job, new blog, new house, fun trips, lovely wife...

Happy New Year, everyone!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Back to Sketches

A fox with a stretched out body... a snail with a beard... a cash-carrying fellow in a terrified sprint... a lady stirring a mixing bowl with her foot. If this page of sketches only had some vampires and assorted birds, it would be a showcase of everything that Christmas means to me. Oh, hey - there they are!

May your next few days be as festive and fun as a long-bodied fox is crafty. What?

Friday, December 15, 2006

Merry Christmas to All

This is my Christmas card to all of you who still come to this place I call "blog." I don't know a lot of you personally, but it's nice knowing that you stop by occasionally to see what I've drawn and to partake of my mental wanderings. I'm glad there's you, or I probably wouldn't have a blog. So thank you all, and happy holidays!

Merry Christmas from me to you. And you other religions - some greetings too.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Conan & the Manatee

As part of a joke on his show last week, Conan O'Brien mentioned a fake website. He found out later that NBC has to buy any website he mentions if it doesn't already exist, so for $159, NBC became the owner of HornyManatee.com. Conan didn't want the site to go to waste, so they started adding stuff to it, including fan art. I sent in this one that I spent about a half hour on. Conan and his show are the coolest.

I bet some of you sailors would like to have a mermaid like this one over for spaghetti. Am I right?

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Two Turtle Doves

The Twelve Days of Christmas is a ridiculous song. If you sing at a fast tempo and skip five or six verses, you can sing the whole thing in just under 40 minutes. Yet sadly, the song's length is the most sane thing about it. I love Christmas carols... but I do not like The Twelve Days of Christmas.

In the first seven days of the song (which, as far as I can tell, is sung in real time), a total of 59 birds are presented as gifts. Fifty-nine birds? Did I give you the wrong impression concerning my feelings for birds? I mean, I have nothing against them, but let's leave some of them outside. Maybe one of these days of Christmas I could get a truck full of bird seed, because tuppence doesn't grow on trees.

And ten lords a leaping? I don't even know what I'd do with one lord a leaping. I'm going to have to rent a bus just to take them all down to the pier. Now, nine ladies dancing... there's a gift! That's something I've wanted for a long time. See - if you personalize a gift like that, good things happen. But the lords and the drummers and the sanctuary's worth of birds... ridiculous.

Perhaps the most upsetting thing of all about The Twelve Days of Christmas... there's only ONE day of Christmas. December 25th. Maybe for next year's one day of Christmas I'll get my true love a calendar.

(When my wife saw this drawing, she said, "You know - turtle doves aren't half turtle." I know that. I'm not an idiot. They're half dove.)

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

You Better Watch Out!

I drew this for our Christmas card last year, based on the song "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." Some of my friends said they had to hide or destroy the card because it was scaring their kids. That song always made me a little uncomfortable, so I was glad to relay that terror to a new generation of children.

"He sees you when you're sleeping.
He knows when you're awake.
He knows when you get home from school,
And he knows what bus you take."
That's not exactly how the song goes, but I think the lines I added are implied. If he sees me when I'm sleeping AND when I'm awake... what else is there? He sees everything I do! It's a Christmas stalking. Normally I avoid puns, but in this case I'm not ashamed. It had to be said.

Monday, December 04, 2006

A Little Mermaid

It has been widely suggested that manatees (or "menatee") could be behind the myth of the mermaid. Sailors who were unfamiliar with manatees may have seen them and mistook them for the mythical, human-like species. A manatee surfacing in a patch of seaweed could have appeared to be a mermaid with long, flowing hair.

How much ocean water do you have to drink before manatees begin to look like attractive, young maidens? And if ocean madness isn't to blame here, how ugly were the women these mermaid-discovering sailors left at port if "woman" was a logical title for the first sea cow they ever saw draped in seaweed?


I should have drawn what the sailors were actually seeing, but I wanted to draw a pretty mermaid instead. Maybe another day.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Curse of the Tiki

The Brady Bunch taught me long ago that tikis are cursed. A giant tarantula on Peter's chest... Greg can't surf perfectly... obviously a tiki is to blame. Spiders and surfing wipe outs don't just happen on their own. And so I have to side with the Bradys on this one... tikis are cursed.

The greatest curse of the tiki is its inability to move its arms for swatting or wiping, combined with the frequent company it shares with tropical birds. And even more of a curse to the tikis - the birds sing the exact same songs all day long on a 21-minute loop.


Birds are a curse to tikis. Tikis are a curse to humans. Humans eat birds, flip birds, and carve tikis. It's a complicated cycle, but a cycle indeed.

Hey... this is my 100th post! Thanks to all of you who have kept me going with your visits and comments. I'm having a good time with the blog... a hundred more posts are on the way shortly. Well, not too shortly.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Save the Turkeys!

Turkey goes great with bacon and avocados on sourdough, but as attractive as turkeys are, the meat that hangs from their bones just isn't my favorite. So this year we've decided to do the humane thing and not eat the traditional Thanksgiving turkey. On a less humane note, this Thursday's dinner will feature my very first Thanksgiving Ham. Sorry, pigs... there's simply no getting around the fact that you're delicious. Don't get too comfortable, though, turkeys... as long as there's bacon, avocados, and sourdough bread to be enjoyed, every day you're on deck as a possible sandwich.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Road Hogs

While staying in a motel in Universal City on Monday night, I saw the greatest thing ever on the news... a story that began as a boring traffic report. Cars were backed up for miles on the Golden State Freeway near Sylmar (about 25 miles north of Los Angeles), after two trucks collided, causing the cargo of one to be scattered over 80 feet of several lanes of freeway. That truck's cargo? Frozen pigs.

I hate when traffic is caused by drivers slowing down to check out the scene of an accident, but in this case I fully endorse it. You can't just drive by hundreds of frozen pigs on a freeway... that's against every natural law on this planet. Once I was passing through Vegas and found a section of the freeway littered with cheap, plush bears wearing backpacks... even ran over a couple. Before Monday night, that was the coolest cargo spill I'd ever seen. But the frozen pigs blew away the backpacked bears. These should be the names of sports teams... I can totally hear that last line as an intro on SportsCenter.

What a waste of pigs... right? Aren't they all inedible now? Didn't they all die in vain? No! Without their sacrifice, what would I have laughed at on TV Monday night? "Studio 60?" Hardly. Tuesday morning I had several strips of bacon for breakfast in memorial... nay! In celebration!

Thank you, frozen pigs. And thanks to the gentleman who drove the plow that shoved you all into the roadside ditch. You all presented a level of entertainment that Monday-night NBC refuses to provide. Frozen pigs on the freeway... wonderful in so many ways... one of which is not "smell." (Or so it was reported by the unfortunate news woman who was on location to cover this story as the spilled cargo began to thaw).

Monday, November 13, 2006

Speedy Cheetahs

Cheetahs are the fastest of all land animals. They have been known to reach speeds up to 70 miles an hour. I had a Ford Tempo once that was known to reach speeds up to 67 miles an hour, at which point it shook so violently that the glove compartment opened on its own.

Seventy miles an hour, cheetahs? I find that difficult to believe. No one can ride a unicycle that fast... especially considering the wind-resistance commonly caused by party hats.


I drew this for Jared Hess. He signed a "Nacho Libre" poster for me, and on the poster he wrote, "Maybe you could draw a cheetah for me some day." And so I did. I doubt anyone will ever understand why this particular cheetah is riding a unicycle... including me.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Flying Things

The first time the Wright Brothers flew, they landed after only 12 seconds. The only time this guy flew, he landed in just over two gasps and a scream. I'm not sure how many seconds that is, but it's probably more than twelve. The higher the cliff, the longer the flight... the longer the "flight," the deader the caveman.

Friday, November 03, 2006

The Narwhalrus

I've heard that there are some animals that live so deep in the ocean that we'll never see them or even know they exist. But if we'll never know they exist, how do we know they exist? That thought just gave me a headache, like when I try to do math.

The Narwhalrus, whose existence will never be disproved, is the only animal that sports both a stash of food and a 'stache of gorgeous, flowing handlebar. Why aren't there more animals that carry a skewer of future meals on their heads? How primitive are we with our grocery bags and "take out" boxes? Something for evolution to consider.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Welcoming November

This morning when I turned on the kitchen light, I was horrified to find a terrible thing on our kitchen table. Staring at me from right there where I had hoped to eat breakfast... a human skull. What the crap?! Is this some kind of joke? Who did this?

This kind of thing happens to me every year on the first of November. What was festive and fun the day before becomes deplorable over night. Waking up to November is like waking up from hypnosis. Why did I decorate my house that way? And what was I wearing? The minute Halloween ends, I'm ready to move on.

In moving on, though, I don't like to skip straight from Halloween to Christmas. As of today I expect to hear Christmas music and see holiday displays showing up in stores. But what about November? Pretending November doesn't exist is disrespectful to the fat, ugly, stupid turkey I'm going to be eating in 22 days... and if there's anything I have for turkeys, it is respect... and gravy.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Dracula

Here's the Dracula that I drew a few weeks back for Toon Club but forgot to post on here. It's not my favorite, but I wanted to post something because it's been a while. My wife and I spent the last week in New York City... doing all the touristy things. I'll write something about that on here soon with more details of all we did... as though you care.

Those of you who have blogs and have added stuff to them in the last week... I just spent the last little while looking at all you've done. Amazing! You're each very talented, impressive, and attractive. I wish I could comment on all of your posts individually, but who has that kind of time? I still haven't even seen last week's "Lost" yet. Lots of catching up to do.

Monday, October 16, 2006

It's Rainbowing Dogs

Dogs are smooth, colorful, and largely void of detail. If you believe that, you'll be amazed at the realism I was able to achieve in these drawings. If you don't believe that, I hope you can still enjoy a rainbow of quickly-drawn, even-more-quickly-colored, dog-like shapes.

I recently had a few laughs after seeing some of the phrases people are Googling to find their way to my blog. Here are some of my favorites from the last week:
  • Angry chipmunk
  • Horrifying prehistoric shark
  • Street sweeper gun drawings
  • Largest known beaver dam
  • Snakes killing things video
  • Kicked my crotch

Who's running these searches? And they're being directed to me? What have I done? Listen - if you're unsure whether or not you've been kicked in the crotch... don't Google it. Just wait a second... you'll know.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Dead Man's Party

If you're a zombie... congratulations. You've just been granted a second chance at life... a chance to do all that you missed before your original demise. So why is it that the first act for most of the "living dead" is to vandalize people's homes? Are they lying in their graves thinking, "I totally wasted my life! Why didn't I spend more time kicking in walls, ripping doors from their hinges, and uprooting floorboards?" Then along comes some curse on humanity or a Michael Jackson video (it can be difficult to differentiate between the two), and without hesitation they set out to inflict property damage.

If I ever become a zombie, first I'm going on an Alaskan cruise, because as things are shaping up in my current life, I'm going to die before that happens. A zombie cruise ship... take it and run, Hollywood! Pure gold. This zombie has decided to enjoy his new life a little. It's a dead man's party! Who could ask for more?

Actually he was probably alive and well before he had a bite of that cotton candy... vile snack food of the damned!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Classic Pinocchio

As hard as it is to believe, this is not a Pinocchio screen cap. Then I must have held a piece of paper up to my TV screen and traced it... right? Wrong. As "on model" as this sketch is, from Gideon's slight backward lean to the photo-real perspective of the book, you'll be amazed to learn that I actually drew this when I was a kid. No, really! Or possibly when I was in college.

I was going through some old boxes recently and found this drawing with a handfull of other priceless gems. The only thing I don't like about this drawing is that it made me realize how little I've improved. I've always loved Pinocchio... still my favorite movie. I'll post more of these "classic" drawings in the future.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Jack-O-Brains

Drawing this picture reminded me... I like pumpkin pie.
Happy Thanksgiving, Canadians!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

I'm Totally LOST

If you've never watched Lost, you know more about what's going on than I do. The more I watch it, the less I know. Having seen every episode, I don't even know how to spell my own name. Each episode introduces hundreds of questions without answering any that were presented previously.

When my wife saw this sketch, she said, "Why does Eko have a tail?" That's the only thing that struck her as odd? This show makes no sense at all... and I love it! There was actually a polar bear on the island at one point. What? And why do the Others keep sharks in the same aquarium as dolphins? I hope they're at least separated by a fence of some kind.

I drew this for our
Avalanche Software blog... the topic of our art challenge was "Lost." There was no way I was going to post a caricature or a painting on there... the other artists here are far too intimidating. I went with an image of what I feel like I've seen after watching each episode... something I wouldn't be too surprised to see in the next season or two.

I know what you Lost fans are thinking... "Hurley doesn't wear glasses!"

Today's lucky numbers are: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42. What? I'm so Lost.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Manatees

How accurate is it to categorize manatees as "wildlife?" Surfacing for air is about the wildest thing they do, and I've seen pine cones more full of life. It's nearly impossible to tell the difference between a manatee and a log floating at sea. The only way you can tell is if one of them appaers to smile at you for a second... that's the log.

Over the weekend we went to see Jim Gaffigan's stand-up comedy show. He's a funny man, and he was nice too. He hung around after to sign autographs and pose for pictures for everyone who wanted one. It was Jim's "manatee" material that inspired me to draw these ugly things. "You can call me the manatee!" "Yeah right, sea cow."

What is the plural of "manatee?" Menatee? If you stare at this drawing for a while, it's pretty much the same experience as going to see them in an aquarium. Wave to them. Did they wave back? Of course not... stupid sea cattle.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Monday, September 25, 2006

Halloween Sketches

So many of you have been posting Halloweenish sketches and paintings lately... I was inspired to try some of my own. I wanted to draw some scary-looking Halloweeners (probably not the best name for them), but it turns out I don't draw "scary." Everything I ever drew in college got the same response from other students... "Oh, that's cute." Cute? That's a guy wearing a pony carcass getting hit by a train. I actually didn't draw that... yet. But I bet I could make it "cute." More Halloweeners will be on the way soon.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Wile E. Coyote

I'd probably think twice before getting involved in an activity that might require me to have a "Yipe" or an "Ouch" sign on hand.

I was watching old Looney Tunes cartoons with someone a while ago, and he wondered where the Coyote kept getting all those signs from. An invisible backpack? I don't know. That never really bothered me. Obviously wherever he gets them, he's buying in bulk. What bothered me was that he had planned to fail when he wrote on his signs. Maybe he had one that said, "I finally killed him!" but never got to use it. If you carry around a "Yipe" sign, you're asking to fall off a cliff.

Toon Club's topic for this week was Looney Tunes - a very hard topic to draw something for. There's no competing with Chuck Jones. I don't love the way the Coyote turned out... probably should have done a second sketch. The background was fun, though. I like not coloring inside the lines. I don't know why I put my copyright on there... I obviously don't own this character. Just a habit.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Kevin Watermelonrind

Last week's Toon Club topic was "Tall Tales." I spent most of the week going to Disneyland, so I had to rush to get mine done last night. I had a few ideas for a scene that included Kevin Watermelonrind AND Johnny Appleseed, but there wasn't time for that, so all you get is Kevin... standing boringly alone. If watermelon rind yielded watermelon when planted, perhaps Kevin would have been a pioneer and American legend like Johnny Appleseed. Because it doesn't, Kevin Watermelonrind is a buffoon. At least he tried to plant something... which is more than I've ever done.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Sketches Again

Here we go... diving a little deeper into the stack of sketches I found by my desk last week. I still like the idea of "The Bearded Womanatee" as a circus freak, but that quick sketch was all I did before deciding on The Headless-Horse Man instead. I need to get back to drawing manatees soon... they're fun to draw because they have no detectable skeletal structure, and the uglier the drawing, the closer it is to "accurate."

Of these 7 characters, five of them have the same mouth. Sometimes I marvel at my artistic range. Let's just assume that it's depressing to not be a dog.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Stupid Bus Numbers

As a kid I never remembered my bus number on the first day of school. When I got on the bus to school that morning, I was still in my sleep. I’d have climbed aboard a garbage truck if it had stopped at the right street corner. It was never until directly after school that I remembered how important that little number is. Some kids dread going “back to school.” For me the nightmare was getting home again.

Why are school buses identical? Is that some kind of joke? Wouldn’t it be easier if one bus was green, one was a double-decker, and one had a spoiler and a disco ball? If I rode a bus to school that had a giant unicorn painted on the side, I bet I could find that bus again when it came time to return home.

Identical buses… what a terrible thing to do to kids. There are lots of other terrible things you can do to kids, but I’ll save those for another day.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Rabbits Need Claws

Do not declaw your rabbit! Unlike cats, the bottoms of a rabbit's feet have no pads, so they need their claws to balance. Declawing your rabbit would basically cripple it, so only do that if you're intentionally punishing it... in which case you really need to lighten up on your rabbit.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Being Too Safe

I've heard it said that "you can never be too safe." What about this kid? He's waiting for a bus. He's so "safe" that the other kids will most likely beat him up... and if they don't, I will, because he totally deserves it. Nice oven mitts, safety boy!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Monkeys & Puppets

Monkeys can't do puppet shows... that's a good title for a song. Maybe a country song... or reggae. You see, monkeys lack the opposable thumbs required to operate a puppet's mouth. Beyond that, monkeys can't speak, making puppetry quite impossible for monkeys on at least two levels. A ventriloquist monkey would be even more confusing, because now no one's mouth is moving. This could all be the song, but it would need to rhyme or at least have a memorable chorus.

Opposable thumbs are the only difference between monkeys and about 90% of the people I encounter on my way to work. If a monkey had opposable thumbs, it would be Ben Affleck. Well that was an unfair attack... totally unprovoked. I should probably apologize. Sorry, monkeys.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

More Sketches

Here's the second batch of sketches I found around my desk yesterday. Chickens, pigs, a pirate, a terrified paper boy... pretty basic stuff. The pigs aren't even wearing capes, which is admittedly quite boring. Sorry about that.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Some Sketches

I was cleaning around my desk today and found some old sketches that weren't as bad as some of the others. Most of them seem to be abandoned concepts from Toon Club topics. I'll post more of them another day.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

How Was it Cancelled?

Okay, so no... this isn't a drawing. But I wanted to point out that the third and final season of Arrested Development went on sale today. If you want to buy it... sorry, you're too late. We went to Target to buy it tonight, and it was already sold out. So we went to Best Buy... sold out there too. What? A show that got cancelled due to lack of interest was sold out on the day of its release in multiple stores? How did that happen? A better question: Why did they cancel the best show ever? Man, I miss it. If you've never seen it, you may want to look into what character flaw of yours has caused this shortcoming.

I spent too much time tracking down my "Season 3" to draw anything tonight, but if you want to see some Arrested-based paintings, here's a link to my friend's portfolio: Blake Loosli. He did these a couple of years ago... they're great. I also love the "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" one. So enjoy his site for now, and check back here soon... more drawings and pointless commentary are on the way.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Run Through the Forest! RUN!

You may remember this raccoon from a drawing that I posted in July. His design is the best of the four of them, and that's because I didn't design him. My good bud Seth Hippen did... and I stole it! I forgot to give Seth credit then, so I decided I better mention it now and remind you all to go check out Seth's blog. He's incredible... an amazing artist, and about the nicest person I've ever met. Yeah, that's right... even nicer than YOU. Three cheers for Seth! Thanks for letting me steal your beautiful designs, Seth... and not complaining when I dumb them down to match my level of drawing ability. Hippen, Hippen - hooray!