Beach vs. Ocean

It baffles me that anyone would go all the way to the beach just to sit on the hot sand and bake in the sun. If that was what you wanted to do for your vacation, you should have just gone to Barstow. It's a shorter trip for most people, and Barstow has more than enough sun and sand to burn you and bore you until you're dead. When people say they like the beach, I think what they are trying to say is that they like the ocean... they were probably just confused because the beach and the ocean share the same parking lot.

That being said, here's a picture that will probably keep you from going into the ocean the next time you're at the beach. This picture shows what I see in my head every time I swim in the ocean. Fun, huh.

One time I was swimming off the coast of San Diego with some of my brothers-in-law, and we watched as a helicopter flew over us with a "News 8" logo on its side. The helicopter circled back and stopped directly above us. We commented that it must be a pretty slow news day if they were filming people swimming, and we waved at the cameras. Later that night while conveniently watching News 8, we saw footage they had taped earlier that day... a few stupid-looking guys waving to a news camera completely unaware that they were surrounded by about fifty 6-foot-long leopard sharks. The following morning we were still at the beach, but for as much as I swam that day, I might as well have been in Barstow.

Did you know Barstow is the home of the very first Del Taco? Are you kidding me? The first Del Taco AND shark-free "beaches" all in one place that is noticeably cooler than the surface of the sun for almost three months a year? Pack up your 3000 SPF sunscreen, my friends... we're going to Barstow!

Wow - that was weird. I was going to write something about Shark Week, and instead I just ended up making fun of Barstow. If you're expecting a postcard from me, they'll be on their way before too much longer. It seems I grossly underestimated how much time it takes to write on 100 postcards.